Most of my posts are about the kids. This one is dedicated to me.
I have been having a really weird/cool/hard week.
My swamp cooler motor burned out on a 97 degree day. Patrick told me to look on KSL.com on the Free section to find a swamp cooler we could use for parts, or in entirety. I found one and was so relieved. We started making arrangements to pick it up, I needed to borrow my dads truck to put it in. We arrive to trade cars, and dad remembered that he has an old swamp cooler motor from 15 years ago that he was going to use in their old house and never did. It is still new in the box. Why does he even still have this?? I was baffled by this chain of events because I was wondering how in the world I would come up with the money to fix it. So all I had to buy was a 6.00 belt and we were in business. Patrick worked his fanny of in the 100 degree heat to get it up and running, and we are living the cool life again! Thanks doesn't begin to cover it!
I was preparing for a pampered chef party I was hosting and everything was coming together...except my yard. Patrick jumps in and mows the lawn and gets everything pretty. He even took Roxy to his house so she wouldn't be barking at everyone. This guy is amazing. He appreciates everything about me that I can't see in myself. He is patient with my children. When they are standoffish with him, he doesn't push. When the kids are ready to talk, play or hang out with him, he is more than happy to spend time with them, include them, and be silly with them. He is kind and loving. He is selfless, he does things without any thought for accolades or payback. He is a true gentleman, opens doors, waits for me to sit before he does, and he stirs up those butterflies in me that I haven't felt for a long time. I am so lucky to have him in my life!
I have been waiting patiently for my new carpet. A friend of Sierra's dad is donating the carpet and labor for free. We have the one room done and last night Chris (Sierra's dad) and the carpet man came to do the complicated stair work. All I had to do was buy the beer for the laborers. Honestly, I don't know why they would do this for me. I was full of emotion the whole time they were sweating away. When the upstairs carpet was going in, one of the guys was asking how Chris and I get along so well. I didn't know what to say..."we just do" was all I could come up with. He told me that Chris has never had one bad word to say about me. I'm sure that hasn't always been true, but it was really nice to hear. I am moved to tears by their charity.
Today I will begin a new drop off/pick up arrangement for my little kids with Eric's new wife Corilynn. This is incredibly emotional for me. They love her and she is really good to them. They all have a great family unit and I am happy for that. I know they are well taken care of when they are with Eric. Corilynn is starting a new job in Salt Lake and will commute back and forth from Mapleton, which is near Spanish Fork. So instead of Eric driving additional miles, Corilynn will pick them up and drop them off. I have been adjusting to this and am trying to just make it a matter of fact situation. But to see them drive away with their "mom away from mom" to go to their "home away from home" to be with their dad will be very difficult. I know I am their mom and nothing will change that...but it's hard to know that they don't need me when they are away from me. Heartbreaking almost.
I have so many blessings and I can't believe how beautiful my life is. The gratitude I have for my parents, kids, my sweetheart, and my "ex" families is overwhelming. I keep vacillating between extreme happiness, tears, fears, and back again. I know this is not the ideal life that I had in mind for myself back when I was 20, but turning 40 this month has made me reflect on how much I have experienced, learned, and enjoyed. Here's to my next 40 years. May they bring me even more happiness than the last!
