Our lives have been packed with visits to the doctor for the past few months. There's the usual sore throats, eye infections, and so forth...but, the majority of our appointments have been for Sierra to try and figure out what's going on with her.
Phase 1- She started getting massive migraines that OTC medicine didn't seem to help. RX was prescribed. She seemed to be doing better, although the frequency of the migraines stayed about the same.
Phase 2- She started passing out, blacking out, or feeling woozy and random moments- but generally when she was dancing. After the first time- we thought it was weird and a one time thing. Two times had me worried about her eating, drinking, drugs, etc. But all checked out normal and we were convinced she was fine. After a couple more times we began to seek medical treatment.
Phase 3- Family doctor examined her and wanted to send her to a neurologist for further examination. Neurologist did an MRI and changed the RX for her migraines. All test came back normal and he dismissed her case stating that he thought she needed more sodium in her diet. Symptoms persisted.
Phase 4- Symptoms increasing. Extreme fatigue, tingling and numb feet and hands, chest pain, numb arm. Sought out a cardiologist for testing. Doc did EKG and stress tests, also decided to have her wear a blood pressure cuff for 24 hours. This took her BP every 20 minutes. No abnormal results. Then he had her wear a heart monitor for 7 days. This monitored her heart rhythms and heart rate. It also included a button she could push to mark when she was having symptoms of any kind. They would then call and speak with her about the symptoms and what was going on.
No conclusive results. Heart rate would go up during exercise, but blood pressure was generally on the low side. He dismissed her case and believed she was fine.
Phase 5- Depression set in. She was feeling so tired, no energy. Everything was hard, dancing, getting dressed, being awake. She was sluffing school and falling severely behind. She spoke to a counselor at school saying that she was having suicidal thoughts. I was called immediately to the school for intervention. I was not surprised by the chain of events that led to this- but I was surprised by how intense her depression was. She seems so level headed, mellow, and responsible most of the time. It was very scary to see her like this. Racking sobs, unleashing all of her worries, fears, and scary thoughts. Depression runs in my side of the family, and her fathers. So I had no doubt that she needed immediate medical treatment to get her back on track. I know that medical problems can also bring on depression. We saw our family doctor and had them put her on an anti-depressant. It took a couple of weeks, but she seems on an even keel emotionally now. She has caught up on her school work and is not feeling such a heavy weight- however, her body is still not cooperating with her active life style.
Phase 6- More passing out. We decided to see and 2nd cardiologist. He was recommended to us and we had high hopes. He put her on a heart monitor similar to the one she wore before, but it measure more intricately her heart rhythms. She had to wear it for 3 weeks. He wanted to figure out exactly when and why she was having symptoms. They decided her heart rate was getting to high while exercising. He put her on a beta blocker/blood pressure medicine to bring down her heart rate. He felt she was dangerously close to heart attack range. Tried the medicine for a week and then came in for conclusions. He determined that all of her high heart rhythms were during exercise and he did not feel right about continuing the beta blocker due to her age, and it was not helping her symptoms. He sent us to a pediatric cardiologist for further testing.
Phase 7- Same problems. Same questions, same paperwork. But this doctor was utterly disgusted with the amount of testing we had already gone through. He believes she is completely dehydrated. Working at an athletic level and starving her body of water. Sodium needs to be upped and Water needs to be ingested at an aggressive rate. 5000 mls a day. He called it hyper hydration. Just to get her back on track, then we can scale back. He believes all of her problems are linked- the migraines, the tingling, the passing out, the racing heart, the exhaustion. We are not totally convinced this will work- but it is definitely worth trying. She's been tested enough to fly to the moon. He is convinced there is nothing wrong with her heart, brain, or organs. He believes she is a child in a woman's body and the blood is competing with the heart and the brain. Which causes the fainting. He said this is common and called it vasovagal syncope syndrome. She may have to deal with it for a while, while her innards catch up with her physique. I hope this helps- a simple solution for a problem we have been so worried about. It hasn't helped much yet- the symptoms are persisting-but it's only been a week. We go back in 4 weeks for a follow up. I'll keep you posted.
Just want my baby girl healthy, happy, and loving life. I'll do whatever it takes.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
I am not a robot!
I am the first to admit that I am a bit wishy-washy when it comes to religion. I know at my core, it's important and I believe in God. But I have a hard time applying it to my daily life. This is why I love working with kids in my church calling. I have a very vanilla, no religion involved calling. I'm the secretary. I file reports, make assignments, and make birthday presents. It's perfect for me.
It keeps me involved at a level that is comfortable for me, without dabbling too much into the things that make me uncomfortable and get my blood boiling. Even in primary- this is tricky. Forever families, temple marriage, memorizing scriptures- almost weekly this brings tears to my eyes. My track record has become so spotty and my family life such a shambles- that even these basic truths are hard to apply to my life.
On the surface, I have tried to do the things that should bring happiness. Married a returned missionary, we were sealed in the temple. He later left the church and we divorced. Studied the scriptures with husband #2 regularly, being a new convert he did not have the knowledge of many church doctrines. Once he learned more, he left the church. We were later divorced. Now I have 3 children whose fathers do not attend church. When I want to take my children to church, inevitably, it is a struggle. I want them to choose to come to church willingly. I don't want to make them do anything. But I also want them to learn about our religion, and be armed with the knowledge that they are children of God and that there is a plan and reason for our existence. This is a daily struggle. We are stuck in the semi-active way of life. We want the blessings of choosing well, but making those choices is not always easy. Living on the fence is painful.
Our Bishop is a great educator. He comes in to primary once in a while to teach the kids a short lesson. I am always amazed at how he can get his point across and teach with the spirit in such a short amount of time, with such impact. Yesterday was a great example and touched me deeply.
We are talking about Free Agency this month. The point is that we are free to make our own choices. Not forced to do anything we are not comfortable with.
Here is the gist of his lesson:
Did we have free agency in heaven. Yes, we chose whether to follow Lucifer or Jesus when the plan was presented.
Do we have free agency on earth? Yes. Can we choose to not listen to our parents, teachers, leaders, etc? Yes. Make our bed? Wake up happy? Cheat? Lie? Study hard? Be friendly? Steal? Come to church? These are all decisions you make on your own. What you choose determines your consequence. But it is YOUR choice. Would you rather have mom and dad make all of your choices for you so that you never make a wrong decision or get in trouble? No. Would you rather have a chip implanted in your brain, and mom and dad, or God has the remote control. They control all of your actions. You would never make a wrong decision or get in trouble. Would this be better? No.
Do we get yelled at, or in trouble when we make wrong choices? Yes. Is it painful? Yes. But we learn to choose wisely. We cannot learn unless we experience the free agency to choose right or wrong. This is the plan. We are not robots. And who would want to be?
It keeps me involved at a level that is comfortable for me, without dabbling too much into the things that make me uncomfortable and get my blood boiling. Even in primary- this is tricky. Forever families, temple marriage, memorizing scriptures- almost weekly this brings tears to my eyes. My track record has become so spotty and my family life such a shambles- that even these basic truths are hard to apply to my life.
On the surface, I have tried to do the things that should bring happiness. Married a returned missionary, we were sealed in the temple. He later left the church and we divorced. Studied the scriptures with husband #2 regularly, being a new convert he did not have the knowledge of many church doctrines. Once he learned more, he left the church. We were later divorced. Now I have 3 children whose fathers do not attend church. When I want to take my children to church, inevitably, it is a struggle. I want them to choose to come to church willingly. I don't want to make them do anything. But I also want them to learn about our religion, and be armed with the knowledge that they are children of God and that there is a plan and reason for our existence. This is a daily struggle. We are stuck in the semi-active way of life. We want the blessings of choosing well, but making those choices is not always easy. Living on the fence is painful.
Our Bishop is a great educator. He comes in to primary once in a while to teach the kids a short lesson. I am always amazed at how he can get his point across and teach with the spirit in such a short amount of time, with such impact. Yesterday was a great example and touched me deeply.
We are talking about Free Agency this month. The point is that we are free to make our own choices. Not forced to do anything we are not comfortable with.
Here is the gist of his lesson:
Did we have free agency in heaven. Yes, we chose whether to follow Lucifer or Jesus when the plan was presented.
Do we have free agency on earth? Yes. Can we choose to not listen to our parents, teachers, leaders, etc? Yes. Make our bed? Wake up happy? Cheat? Lie? Study hard? Be friendly? Steal? Come to church? These are all decisions you make on your own. What you choose determines your consequence. But it is YOUR choice. Would you rather have mom and dad make all of your choices for you so that you never make a wrong decision or get in trouble? No. Would you rather have a chip implanted in your brain, and mom and dad, or God has the remote control. They control all of your actions. You would never make a wrong decision or get in trouble. Would this be better? No.
Do we get yelled at, or in trouble when we make wrong choices? Yes. Is it painful? Yes. But we learn to choose wisely. We cannot learn unless we experience the free agency to choose right or wrong. This is the plan. We are not robots. And who would want to be?
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Becoming a Mom
It's been too many months since my last post. I've considered catching up- but I've decided to just begin anew.
I have several friends and neighbors who are either pregnant or have recently had their sweet babies. Nothing gives me greater joy than looking into the eyes of a sweet newborn babe. I have always noticed how intensely they look back at me. I wonder what they think- if they are trying to communicate with me but have forgotten how- or if they know me from a previous existence- or if they just see something in my eyes that they recognize and relate too.
When I see a baby born in movies, or on tv--all those feelings come rushing back. The joy- the excitement. The pain, the love, the intense feeling of meeting that kid that's been sitting on your bladder, kicking your ribs, and growing inside you all those months. Nothing can prepare you for that. It is completely magical.
When I became pregnant with my first child, Sierra, I had no idea what I was in for. I think I went into it as just the next step in life. I had no idea how much my life would change. How much I would love her. How hard it would be to go thru a day on so little sleep. How everything that hurts them, hurts you too- because you don't want them to feel pain, or be sad. But they do, and you do too. I honestly had no idea how to be a mom, no training. It's just a day by day process. Until one day you look back, and 17 years have gone by- and you've done it....you've raised a human from baby to adult.
I continued to grow up with my children. I have grown into an adult as they have grown into little humans. They have helped me to see my faults. They are numerous. They have also helped me grow into a stronger person, stronger than I ever thought I could be. I was such a young mom. 24...24!!!! When I think about my girls becoming a mom at that age, it seems so crazy! Married at 20!!! Was I nuts? Sierra is 17 now. Could she be married in 3 years?? Could she be a mom in just a few short years?? Certainly not. Right?
I've tried to drill it into my kids that they cannot even consider getting married until they are 25 and graduated from college. I had so much growing up to do- I still do. But hopefully, they will finish being kids before they decide to become get married, and especially before they become parents. But seriously, do they ever listen? I know I didn't. My mom and I were just laughing about this the other day. You can't be told how to live your life. You do things through trial and error. That's just how it is.
Being a mom did not come naturally to me. I'm not a good cook. I like my alone time. I like things clean and organized. This is not a good mix. But I have learned to love those little mess makers of mine. I love their stinkin guts!! How did this happen? How do they steal your heart the minute your eyes meet? How does it happen? I don't know- it's some kind of kid magic. And from that moment on, you are a mom. I have tried to put their needs before mine. I certainly struggled when they were babies. I loved snuggling with them and their soft skin. But I much prefer them grown. The teasing, the laughing, the adventures we have. I hope we are making good memories.
I worry so much about not giving them the life that they deserve. Being twice divorced, all my kids are in a split custody situation. Which totally sucks, and yet. sometimes, it is a real blessing. Like birthdays, Christmas, holidays, and the like- you get to celebrate twice. Sometimes 4 times when you throw the grandparents into the mix. But I so wish we didn't commute between mom and dad's house- I wish we had the storybook ending. But we don't. And it's ok. We do the best we can. The kids seem happy for the most part and have just grown up in this situation. I often wonder how their married lives will be. Will they be able to stay with their spouse forever? Will they end up like their parents? Only time will tell- and it really doesn't matter. All that matters is that they are happy. I know I have learned, above all else, that I am a mom. That is my calling in life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. The stretch marks I bare are my trophies. And I am proud to wear them.
I have several friends and neighbors who are either pregnant or have recently had their sweet babies. Nothing gives me greater joy than looking into the eyes of a sweet newborn babe. I have always noticed how intensely they look back at me. I wonder what they think- if they are trying to communicate with me but have forgotten how- or if they know me from a previous existence- or if they just see something in my eyes that they recognize and relate too.
When I see a baby born in movies, or on tv--all those feelings come rushing back. The joy- the excitement. The pain, the love, the intense feeling of meeting that kid that's been sitting on your bladder, kicking your ribs, and growing inside you all those months. Nothing can prepare you for that. It is completely magical.
When I became pregnant with my first child, Sierra, I had no idea what I was in for. I think I went into it as just the next step in life. I had no idea how much my life would change. How much I would love her. How hard it would be to go thru a day on so little sleep. How everything that hurts them, hurts you too- because you don't want them to feel pain, or be sad. But they do, and you do too. I honestly had no idea how to be a mom, no training. It's just a day by day process. Until one day you look back, and 17 years have gone by- and you've done it....you've raised a human from baby to adult.
I continued to grow up with my children. I have grown into an adult as they have grown into little humans. They have helped me to see my faults. They are numerous. They have also helped me grow into a stronger person, stronger than I ever thought I could be. I was such a young mom. 24...24!!!! When I think about my girls becoming a mom at that age, it seems so crazy! Married at 20!!! Was I nuts? Sierra is 17 now. Could she be married in 3 years?? Could she be a mom in just a few short years?? Certainly not. Right?
I've tried to drill it into my kids that they cannot even consider getting married until they are 25 and graduated from college. I had so much growing up to do- I still do. But hopefully, they will finish being kids before they decide to become get married, and especially before they become parents. But seriously, do they ever listen? I know I didn't. My mom and I were just laughing about this the other day. You can't be told how to live your life. You do things through trial and error. That's just how it is.
Being a mom did not come naturally to me. I'm not a good cook. I like my alone time. I like things clean and organized. This is not a good mix. But I have learned to love those little mess makers of mine. I love their stinkin guts!! How did this happen? How do they steal your heart the minute your eyes meet? How does it happen? I don't know- it's some kind of kid magic. And from that moment on, you are a mom. I have tried to put their needs before mine. I certainly struggled when they were babies. I loved snuggling with them and their soft skin. But I much prefer them grown. The teasing, the laughing, the adventures we have. I hope we are making good memories.
I worry so much about not giving them the life that they deserve. Being twice divorced, all my kids are in a split custody situation. Which totally sucks, and yet. sometimes, it is a real blessing. Like birthdays, Christmas, holidays, and the like- you get to celebrate twice. Sometimes 4 times when you throw the grandparents into the mix. But I so wish we didn't commute between mom and dad's house- I wish we had the storybook ending. But we don't. And it's ok. We do the best we can. The kids seem happy for the most part and have just grown up in this situation. I often wonder how their married lives will be. Will they be able to stay with their spouse forever? Will they end up like their parents? Only time will tell- and it really doesn't matter. All that matters is that they are happy. I know I have learned, above all else, that I am a mom. That is my calling in life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. The stretch marks I bare are my trophies. And I am proud to wear them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)