I am the first to admit that I am a bit wishy-washy when it comes to religion. I know at my core, it's important and I believe in God. But I have a hard time applying it to my daily life. This is why I love working with kids in my church calling. I have a very vanilla, no religion involved calling. I'm the secretary. I file reports, make assignments, and make birthday presents. It's perfect for me.
It keeps me involved at a level that is comfortable for me, without dabbling too much into the things that make me uncomfortable and get my blood boiling. Even in primary- this is tricky. Forever families, temple marriage, memorizing scriptures- almost weekly this brings tears to my eyes. My track record has become so spotty and my family life such a shambles- that even these basic truths are hard to apply to my life.
On the surface, I have tried to do the things that should bring happiness. Married a returned missionary, we were sealed in the temple. He later left the church and we divorced. Studied the scriptures with husband #2 regularly, being a new convert he did not have the knowledge of many church doctrines. Once he learned more, he left the church. We were later divorced. Now I have 3 children whose fathers do not attend church. When I want to take my children to church, inevitably, it is a struggle. I want them to choose to come to church willingly. I don't want to make them do anything. But I also want them to learn about our religion, and be armed with the knowledge that they are children of God and that there is a plan and reason for our existence. This is a daily struggle. We are stuck in the semi-active way of life. We want the blessings of choosing well, but making those choices is not always easy. Living on the fence is painful.
Our Bishop is a great educator. He comes in to primary once in a while to teach the kids a short lesson. I am always amazed at how he can get his point across and teach with the spirit in such a short amount of time, with such impact. Yesterday was a great example and touched me deeply.
We are talking about Free Agency this month. The point is that we are free to make our own choices. Not forced to do anything we are not comfortable with.
Here is the gist of his lesson:
Did we have free agency in heaven. Yes, we chose whether to follow Lucifer or Jesus when the plan was presented.
Do we have free agency on earth? Yes. Can we choose to not listen to our parents, teachers, leaders, etc? Yes. Make our bed? Wake up happy? Cheat? Lie? Study hard? Be friendly? Steal? Come to church? These are all decisions you make on your own. What you choose determines your consequence. But it is YOUR choice. Would you rather have mom and dad make all of your choices for you so that you never make a wrong decision or get in trouble? No. Would you rather have a chip implanted in your brain, and mom and dad, or God has the remote control. They control all of your actions. You would never make a wrong decision or get in trouble. Would this be better? No.
Do we get yelled at, or in trouble when we make wrong choices? Yes. Is it painful? Yes. But we learn to choose wisely. We cannot learn unless we experience the free agency to choose right or wrong. This is the plan. We are not robots. And who would want to be?
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